The Kidney Stone Saga Finally Ends

This is the first time that I've ever had kidney stones so I wasn't really sure what to expect other than that "it would hurt like a bitch" and needless to say, that didn't sit too well with me. I tried looking up first hand accounts of passing kidney stones online and didn't really find anything useful so pretty much, it's all been a fucked up waiting game. So for anybody that's ever been curious as to what it's like, here ya go...

So I go to take a piss and as just as I start to go, I abruptly stop due to what seems like a bottle neck at the corner of Urethra Drive and Pee-Hole Avenue and I was the fucked up traffic cop trying to straighten things out. The flow was no more as fear gripped my soul indicating to me that the time was rapidly approaching. I dosed up on the last of my prescribed painkillers, drank several liters of water as well as lots of cranberry juice and waited it out for a couple of hours. Finally, after some serious inner monologue and a few failed attempts, I went into the bathroom, aimed, closed my eyes, and thought about walking around in the snow all bundled up drinking cocoa. My stream was weak, but the pressure was strong and in what seemed like a flash of cold heat and physiological release, the stone made his escape...

Everything went white and fuzzy and suddenly my stream was super-powered and this pressure that had been taking up residence down there was gone. I fished the stone out of the toilet, but fuck catch and release, I'm saving this bitch! So yeah.

Hopefully this shit never happens to you, but if it does, here's some things ya may wanna keep in mind:

* do not take you painkillers until you are actually about to pass the stone, don't snack on them

* whereas nature will help you pass it, you may in fact need to "push" it out a little to assist in the process

* drink lots of water and cranberry juice

* if you're in pain, take lots of hot, hot, hot showers and baths or find a hot tub to sit in

* the pain when it passes is a mixture of both sharp and dull pains, followed by a minimal dull pain for a little while after

And there ya have it kids.....

Once again, the world is turning and it's no longer a pisser to take a piss